Hey Mr. Ken Advice & Coaching For Women
Relationships
Ladies, let me say this in my life as a man, over 30 years as a social worker including specializing in marriage and relationship counseling, I’ve never heard too many woman admit that they contributed to a break up with a man; the overwhelming majority have said they were perfect, they were totally innocent, they were the victims of his wrong doing, that they are Ms. Right all they needed to do is find - meet Mr. Right.
As a man, ladies we’re often wrong in relationships with women, however for the sake of a 'bigger truth' we need to begin detaching the myth of women as always being Ms. Right.
Ladies, you all have many positive sides but you all also have negative sides; as men we see this negative side, many ignore it, while many men don't discuss it due to a sense of futility and abandon the relationship without closure because of this negativity.
Indeed men experience the negative side of women expressed in controlling, manipulating, nagging, not listening, selfishness, ungratefulness, never satisfied, toxic emotions, unrealistic thinking and expectations.
Ladies as long as you all hold on to this absolute sense of yall’s perfectionism of being always Ms. Right, then you all can never see or admit when you’re wrong. When you’re perfect you won’t engage in self-examination, self-criticism, or self-correction. Ladies being perfect results in a double-standard: men are always wrong I’m right, he needs to change but I don’t need to change; this notion of women not needing to change is what many men resent.
Ladies also, over the years listening to you all and getting feedback from men, most of you all superficially know about men other than men like money, sex, sports, cars, and hunting; that men are limited and really don’t have feelings. You all think that the only thing you need to know about a man is he must make you happy.
Another area I find that women don’t know men, is the case of younger men. For older women dating younger men it aint as easy as you all feel that it is. I hear older women say all the time that age is just a number, however the number in age is impacted by decade socialization; think about it the young man you are interested in listens to Rap music and you listen to R&B and gospel.
To my older ladies one of the major differences of dating a younger man compared to a man your own age is that you will probably be at different stages in your life. Ladies dating a younger man can be highly satisfying for obvious reasons, not the least being a sense of youthful adventure and sex.
Ladies what should be clear to you all from your past is that adventure and sex is superficial and not sustainable; ladies there are certain things you better ‘know’ if you wish to have the best time with a younger man minus the contradictions of age disparity.
To my older ladies dating a younger man may make you ‘feel’ the generation gap is irrelevant, but it's still important to know – be mindful of your age as a woman. From my perspective an older woman’s ability to successfully date a younger man comes down to knowing and accepting who he is coupled with the uncertainty he presents.
Ladies from listening to so many of you all – you all expect men to think like a woman and make you totally satisfied, these expectations are a relationship problem! Ladies I can provide you with advice on your unrealistic expectations of men and give you all insights on men’s thinking to improve your relationships.
Menopause and Relationship Problems
Ladies, another problematic life-change issue that can create tensions and conflicts in your relationship with your husband or special male friend is ‘Menopause Mood Swings’. Recent studies show more than 50% of women experience mood swings as they approach menopause.
Indeed ladies during you all’s menopause a lot of divorces, separations, and break-ups occur! Ladies it’s a common theme that women over 40 begin to see themselves as less valuable, less attractive, and less powerful than when they were younger which can translate into a nagging feeling of heightened insecurity and suspicion; being suspicious that the man in your life is seeing another woman or other women; an innocent man who’s always viewed as a suspected womanizer will become ‘stressed’ and resentful.
Mood swings during menopause are caused largely by the hormonal transitions women go through during this time – increased estrogen production of serotonin which is a mood-regulating neurotransmitter influencing emotional instability. Ladies your unstable moods can cause you to ‘fault-find’ (shortcomings) often about the man in your life along with constantly bringing up old emotional resentment relationship wounds he caused that you angrily relive.
Ladies Midlife menopause changes can be a very turbulent period because so many changes can happen during these years, not only significant hormone fluctuations negatively affecting your attitude, but many other major life change events that can leave you feeling overwhelmed, burned-out, depressed, and anxious.
Ladies, Hey Mr. Ken can provide you all with positive menopause tips, stress management skills, and progressive change advice that can help you better navigate menopause and keep your relationship with the man in your life together.
Stress and Women
A recent report on ‘Gender and Stress’ by the American Psychological Association cites that women are more likely than men to report that their stress levels are on the rise. Women are also much more likely than men to report physical and emotional symptoms of stress.
A survey by the Yale Interdisciplinary Stress Center suggests that women tend to get more caught up in processing their stress, turning it over and over in their minds and reimagining it.
Ladies not only do you all tend to over-process stress, you all also too often project your negative distress feelings. Projecting refers to unconsciously taking unwanted emotions or traits you don't like about yourself and attributing them to the man in your life.
Ladies stress brings out your worst traits, which may lead the man in your life to withdraw as well, because who wants to be around you – deal with you when you are acting your worst? Over time your relationship becomes more superficial (less we-ness and involvement in each other’s lives) and couples become even more withdrawn experiencing more conflict, distress, less affectionate, and intolerable.
Emotional Eating, Obesity and Relationship Problems
Ladies, Hey Mr. Ken is grounded on ‘Real Talk’ and one of the major issues you all face that really needs talking about is being overweight and obese. Ladies current data shows more than 2 in 3 women in the United States are over-weight or obese; for Black women in particular the numbers are even higher.
Supposedly ladies talking about women’s weight is a ‘touchy’ taboo subject that men should 'avoid' not bring up. Ladies the reality is not to discuss a critical issue does not make the issue go away; it’s like during the winter with snow on the ground and you don’t talk about the snow, it don’t make the winter go away!
Ladies for a loving man to discuss women being over-weight or obese is not fat shaming, it’s about care and concern. Ladies being overweight and obese has consequences which can negatively impact your health and relationship in the following ways:
*Being out of shape reduces your ability to participate in activities
*Sexual relations can be affected, viewed as less attractive
*General health declines – greater risk of suffering from chronic diseases
*Weight gain can be frustrating causing increased arguments
*Self-esteem is affected – can feel ashamed and insecure
*Become distressed and often emotionally eat
Regarding emotional eating a study found that women in unhappy relationships negatively affects their body's ability to regulate appetite and make healthy diet choices. Ladies poor food choices like ‘junk food’ may make you feel better at the time, but over the long run this food will only put you at risk to gain more and more weight.
Indeed ladies addressing your overweight issues can prevent disease, save your life and relationship.
Parenting
Ladies you all do great jobs in raising families, it definitely ain’t easy being a mother – especially a single mom. Women can be married to men who are ‘distant dads’ in the home (emotionally detached) or dad is not in the home, the impact is the same.
Regarding my single-mothers, you all have a unique position in your children’s lives because you have to play the role of both mother and father in situations where the other parent has passed away, is divorced, has neglected the child, or never was involved in the child’s life. Researchers have found that when children grow up in single-parent homes, boys are affected more adversely than girls.
To my single-parent ladies, many of you all intentionally make it very difficult or impossible for those caring fathers to co-parent. Co-parenting is the sharing of the duties of raising a child/children of parents who are divorced, separated, or no longer in a relationship.
Ladies co-parenting studies show that having both parents play an active role in your child/children’s daily lives is the best way to ensure that all of their needs are met and enable them to retain close relationships with both parents.
Furthermore ladies studies have consistently shown that when fathers are supportive and affectionate it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development; instilling an overall sense of self-confidence and well-being.
Ladies the key to successful co-parenting is to separate your personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. I recommend you to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you.
Ladies your relationship or marriage may be over, but your family is not; acting in your child/children’s best interest is your most important priority. Ladies being a mature and responsible parent is to always put your child/children’s best interests ahead of your own. Co-parenting aint easy but it’s what’s best!
Ladies Hey Mr. Ken can prove you with solid advise and coaching on parenting especially as it relates to your son/sons and how to be an effective co-parent.
Self-Care Wellness
In over 30 years of providing services to women in the areas of parenting education and relationship counseling, I found too many women neglecting their self-care. Over the many years as a social worker I noticed women whether they were family members, relatives, friends, co-workers, or clients most of them were minimally taking care of themselves – for the most part neglecting their health 'self-care'.
This self-care neglect was resulting in emotional distress and physical health problems (obesity, diabetes, heart disease, frozen shoulders, etc.), and premature deaths. Ladies indeed, over the short-term and definitely over the long-term self-care neglect will take its toll on you; the mind and body must express itself and will let you know it has a problem that we often ignore.
Once a physical, mental, or emotional problem arises, getting rid of it will probably be more difficult than if you had maintained a well-balanced self-care routine. Ladies, the lack of exercise, poor sleep, bad eating habits, stress, mental fatigue, and muscle tension will all start to have a significant negative effect on your health and well-being. You cannot give what you don’t have! You may reach a point where you can no longer provide or take care of those around you, or the things around you.
Ladies, you all cannot afford to put yourselves on the bottom of your daily to-do list (or leave yourselves out entirely) due to time constraints. Attending to your spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social, and employment self-care needs can help you prevent illnesses, or reduce the negative effects caused by the many challenges and adversities of life.
Ladies you all are not ‘super-women’ who are beyond needed self-care. The healthier and better off you are, the more you are able to provide and take care of the people you love and the things you care about. Self-care is a lifelong process that is done on a daily basis. Ladies when you’re on top of your self-care wellness game you feel good about yourselves which improves your relationships!
As a certified natural alternative health practitioner I can provide you with self-care wellness advice and techniques. I work with clients to establish three affirmations to apply in their lives:
1. I am a priority in my own life.
2. I can take time to develop my whole self.
3. I will allow myself time for healthy activities and self-healing
Ladies, let me say this in my life as a man, over 30 years as a social worker including specializing in marriage and relationship counseling, I’ve never heard too many woman admit that they contributed to a break up with a man; the overwhelming majority have said they were perfect, they were totally innocent, they were the victims of his wrong doing, that they are Ms. Right all they needed to do is find - meet Mr. Right.
As a man, ladies we’re often wrong in relationships with women, however for the sake of a 'bigger truth' we need to begin detaching the myth of women as always being Ms. Right.
Ladies, you all have many positive sides but you all also have negative sides; as men we see this negative side, many ignore it, while many men don't discuss it due to a sense of futility and abandon the relationship without closure because of this negativity.
Indeed men experience the negative side of women expressed in controlling, manipulating, nagging, not listening, selfishness, ungratefulness, never satisfied, toxic emotions, unrealistic thinking and expectations.
Ladies as long as you all hold on to this absolute sense of yall’s perfectionism of being always Ms. Right, then you all can never see or admit when you’re wrong. When you’re perfect you won’t engage in self-examination, self-criticism, or self-correction. Ladies being perfect results in a double-standard: men are always wrong I’m right, he needs to change but I don’t need to change; this notion of women not needing to change is what many men resent.
Ladies also, over the years listening to you all and getting feedback from men, most of you all superficially know about men other than men like money, sex, sports, cars, and hunting; that men are limited and really don’t have feelings. You all think that the only thing you need to know about a man is he must make you happy.
Another area I find that women don’t know men, is the case of younger men. For older women dating younger men it aint as easy as you all feel that it is. I hear older women say all the time that age is just a number, however the number in age is impacted by decade socialization; think about it the young man you are interested in listens to Rap music and you listen to R&B and gospel.
To my older ladies one of the major differences of dating a younger man compared to a man your own age is that you will probably be at different stages in your life. Ladies dating a younger man can be highly satisfying for obvious reasons, not the least being a sense of youthful adventure and sex.
Ladies what should be clear to you all from your past is that adventure and sex is superficial and not sustainable; ladies there are certain things you better ‘know’ if you wish to have the best time with a younger man minus the contradictions of age disparity.
To my older ladies dating a younger man may make you ‘feel’ the generation gap is irrelevant, but it's still important to know – be mindful of your age as a woman. From my perspective an older woman’s ability to successfully date a younger man comes down to knowing and accepting who he is coupled with the uncertainty he presents.
Ladies from listening to so many of you all – you all expect men to think like a woman and make you totally satisfied, these expectations are a relationship problem! Ladies I can provide you with advice on your unrealistic expectations of men and give you all insights on men’s thinking to improve your relationships.
Menopause and Relationship Problems
Ladies, another problematic life-change issue that can create tensions and conflicts in your relationship with your husband or special male friend is ‘Menopause Mood Swings’. Recent studies show more than 50% of women experience mood swings as they approach menopause.
Indeed ladies during you all’s menopause a lot of divorces, separations, and break-ups occur! Ladies it’s a common theme that women over 40 begin to see themselves as less valuable, less attractive, and less powerful than when they were younger which can translate into a nagging feeling of heightened insecurity and suspicion; being suspicious that the man in your life is seeing another woman or other women; an innocent man who’s always viewed as a suspected womanizer will become ‘stressed’ and resentful.
Mood swings during menopause are caused largely by the hormonal transitions women go through during this time – increased estrogen production of serotonin which is a mood-regulating neurotransmitter influencing emotional instability. Ladies your unstable moods can cause you to ‘fault-find’ (shortcomings) often about the man in your life along with constantly bringing up old emotional resentment relationship wounds he caused that you angrily relive.
Ladies Midlife menopause changes can be a very turbulent period because so many changes can happen during these years, not only significant hormone fluctuations negatively affecting your attitude, but many other major life change events that can leave you feeling overwhelmed, burned-out, depressed, and anxious.
Ladies, Hey Mr. Ken can provide you all with positive menopause tips, stress management skills, and progressive change advice that can help you better navigate menopause and keep your relationship with the man in your life together.
Stress and Women
A recent report on ‘Gender and Stress’ by the American Psychological Association cites that women are more likely than men to report that their stress levels are on the rise. Women are also much more likely than men to report physical and emotional symptoms of stress.
A survey by the Yale Interdisciplinary Stress Center suggests that women tend to get more caught up in processing their stress, turning it over and over in their minds and reimagining it.
Ladies not only do you all tend to over-process stress, you all also too often project your negative distress feelings. Projecting refers to unconsciously taking unwanted emotions or traits you don't like about yourself and attributing them to the man in your life.
Ladies stress brings out your worst traits, which may lead the man in your life to withdraw as well, because who wants to be around you – deal with you when you are acting your worst? Over time your relationship becomes more superficial (less we-ness and involvement in each other’s lives) and couples become even more withdrawn experiencing more conflict, distress, less affectionate, and intolerable.
Emotional Eating, Obesity and Relationship Problems
Ladies, Hey Mr. Ken is grounded on ‘Real Talk’ and one of the major issues you all face that really needs talking about is being overweight and obese. Ladies current data shows more than 2 in 3 women in the United States are over-weight or obese; for Black women in particular the numbers are even higher.
Supposedly ladies talking about women’s weight is a ‘touchy’ taboo subject that men should 'avoid' not bring up. Ladies the reality is not to discuss a critical issue does not make the issue go away; it’s like during the winter with snow on the ground and you don’t talk about the snow, it don’t make the winter go away!
Ladies for a loving man to discuss women being over-weight or obese is not fat shaming, it’s about care and concern. Ladies being overweight and obese has consequences which can negatively impact your health and relationship in the following ways:
*Being out of shape reduces your ability to participate in activities
*Sexual relations can be affected, viewed as less attractive
*General health declines – greater risk of suffering from chronic diseases
*Weight gain can be frustrating causing increased arguments
*Self-esteem is affected – can feel ashamed and insecure
*Become distressed and often emotionally eat
Regarding emotional eating a study found that women in unhappy relationships negatively affects their body's ability to regulate appetite and make healthy diet choices. Ladies poor food choices like ‘junk food’ may make you feel better at the time, but over the long run this food will only put you at risk to gain more and more weight.
Indeed ladies addressing your overweight issues can prevent disease, save your life and relationship.
Parenting
Ladies you all do great jobs in raising families, it definitely ain’t easy being a mother – especially a single mom. Women can be married to men who are ‘distant dads’ in the home (emotionally detached) or dad is not in the home, the impact is the same.
Regarding my single-mothers, you all have a unique position in your children’s lives because you have to play the role of both mother and father in situations where the other parent has passed away, is divorced, has neglected the child, or never was involved in the child’s life. Researchers have found that when children grow up in single-parent homes, boys are affected more adversely than girls.
To my single-parent ladies, many of you all intentionally make it very difficult or impossible for those caring fathers to co-parent. Co-parenting is the sharing of the duties of raising a child/children of parents who are divorced, separated, or no longer in a relationship.
Ladies co-parenting studies show that having both parents play an active role in your child/children’s daily lives is the best way to ensure that all of their needs are met and enable them to retain close relationships with both parents.
Furthermore ladies studies have consistently shown that when fathers are supportive and affectionate it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development; instilling an overall sense of self-confidence and well-being.
Ladies the key to successful co-parenting is to separate your personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. I recommend you to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you.
Ladies your relationship or marriage may be over, but your family is not; acting in your child/children’s best interest is your most important priority. Ladies being a mature and responsible parent is to always put your child/children’s best interests ahead of your own. Co-parenting aint easy but it’s what’s best!
Ladies Hey Mr. Ken can prove you with solid advise and coaching on parenting especially as it relates to your son/sons and how to be an effective co-parent.
Self-Care Wellness
In over 30 years of providing services to women in the areas of parenting education and relationship counseling, I found too many women neglecting their self-care. Over the many years as a social worker I noticed women whether they were family members, relatives, friends, co-workers, or clients most of them were minimally taking care of themselves – for the most part neglecting their health 'self-care'.
This self-care neglect was resulting in emotional distress and physical health problems (obesity, diabetes, heart disease, frozen shoulders, etc.), and premature deaths. Ladies indeed, over the short-term and definitely over the long-term self-care neglect will take its toll on you; the mind and body must express itself and will let you know it has a problem that we often ignore.
Once a physical, mental, or emotional problem arises, getting rid of it will probably be more difficult than if you had maintained a well-balanced self-care routine. Ladies, the lack of exercise, poor sleep, bad eating habits, stress, mental fatigue, and muscle tension will all start to have a significant negative effect on your health and well-being. You cannot give what you don’t have! You may reach a point where you can no longer provide or take care of those around you, or the things around you.
Ladies, you all cannot afford to put yourselves on the bottom of your daily to-do list (or leave yourselves out entirely) due to time constraints. Attending to your spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social, and employment self-care needs can help you prevent illnesses, or reduce the negative effects caused by the many challenges and adversities of life.
Ladies you all are not ‘super-women’ who are beyond needed self-care. The healthier and better off you are, the more you are able to provide and take care of the people you love and the things you care about. Self-care is a lifelong process that is done on a daily basis. Ladies when you’re on top of your self-care wellness game you feel good about yourselves which improves your relationships!
As a certified natural alternative health practitioner I can provide you with self-care wellness advice and techniques. I work with clients to establish three affirmations to apply in their lives:
1. I am a priority in my own life.
2. I can take time to develop my whole self.
3. I will allow myself time for healthy activities and self-healing
